The Long Morrow: One Swell Foop

a few words by darren wheeling...before you begin

I've long been fascinated by Japanese pop culture and after following it's nuances for several years I couldn't avoid noticing how the English language has been 'adopted', even to a limited degree, by their society. From shopping bags to T-shirts, from electronics manuals to restaurant menus, from street signs to television commercials, the use and misuse of English in Japan is both startling and frequently amusing. Quite often the confusion is created by the author resorting to literal translation from the original Japanese text, thereby ensuring sentence structure errors. Other times it's an innocent spelling mistake, using phonetics incorrectly or simply dropping a letter here and there.

Sometimes the switching of two similar sounding letters can make the difference between a coherent unsurprising message, and one that causes native English speakers to gasp. For example when Douglas MacArthur's name was being bandied around as a possible candidate for the presidency of the United States, this immortal slogan was written across an enormous banner in downtown Tokyo: "We Play For MacArthur's Erection". In America this mistake most likely would've been spotted before the banner was printed, but in Japan the absurdity of this message, flaunted above streets full of waving Japanese, comes across as innocent naivete. An honest mistake. Perhaps.

Other glaring oddities include less cohesive ramblers like: "The Republic of Coffee Poem our Community" and "Let's Sports Violent All Day Long". With this clever and inventive deconstruction of the English language these phrases become less thoughts and more an abstract string of oddly chosen words. Therefore, with that in mind, they make perfect captions for a series of abstract images. A virtual gallery of absurd familiarity. All of the following captions are authentic Japlish, for only the truth is funny. I hope you enjoy your bewildering and eye-opening journey thru Japanized English and can accept it in the spirit in which it is intended (that being the spirit of "Milky Boy Kinki Bank"). Oh and don't worry about getting lost along the way, it ends write where it began.

But first this warning:

Baby Winks means let's enjoy technical tennis and unique cheerful events. Est. 1986.

So now you know.
On with the show.

"Are you haunted by horribles?"
"Do you have heart thrills?"
"Do you feel as if there are two, when there is only one?"
"Do you readily become orderless unless you are strained?"

"Do not open your face to monkeys."

"The elevator is fixed for the next day.
During that time we regret you will be unbearable."

"Vertical Parking Only"

"No Life Guard on Duty. Drink at your own risk.
Let's enjoy refreshing sports in this intense sourness."

"The first alarming is made at once by the alarm lamp which
projects a menacing light on the invader in the dark.
An invader steps within this spherical area,
regardless of the angle and direction the radio wave is
distributed and the electro-magnetic wave produced
by the phase difference in the frequency of the radio wave
caused by the reflection to the eradiated wave on the invader
is transmitted back to the master unit."

"For our shops has been living on for the 20 years.
And we have been getting trust by the everbody and anywhere."

"All tent total on the border to the place of ice firing."

"Elephant Dum is a popular with us.
His humming makes us feel dancing like a conjuring trick."

"Handling elegance."

"All vegetables served in this restaurant are washed
in water passed by our head chef."

"Looking out of a window a gentle breeze smooth my muzzle.
This is a secret land where there is no sound."

"To make your life more pleasant. Take it with you."

"Go soothingly on the grease road as there lurks the skid demon."

"Another scene.
Man and lady, meet this town.
Then they have meltting mood.
This town called love lorn town."

"How about sharing company?
Let's Chat, Popcorn shared will become fluffy white clouds.
And a friend can turn your Insides into Clear Blue Sky."

"Sweet Fresh. We make vegetables from fantastic dreams.
Pleasent create studio carrot radish and lovely corn for health.
Pleasent create studio Wood Song Fresh Fop.
Sunny days, dancing heart, Milk boy humming."